Bears In Games - Epic Final Fantasy Extravaganza Part 2

Johnny and Max now dive deep into Final Fantasy VII, with all its gay dates, bears, musclemen, and group assault. Also: Final Fantasy VIII, where magic meets Sweet Valley High. (Or is Sweet Valley High already magical?)

Final Fantasy VII. We all know it. Some of us love it. Some of us think that it's overrated and a step back for the series. But Max and Johnny are surprisingly agreeable on the subject, with both thinking that it is a great but flawed game, and one that pushed the JRPG genre as a whole in a new direction. But did you know about all the secret gayness in the game? Seriously. You can get molested by a group of big burly bodybuilders. There is much Cloud calling men Daddy. You can go on a date with the big bear Barret. Really, it is the most bear-filled of the Final Fantasy games, with two of the AVALANCHE team being big guys. Plus, to get on the date with Barret, you have to treat the women horribly, which is amusing in itself.

Then we move on to Final Fantasy VIII, and, thankfully, Johnny and Max have some spirited debate. Johnny likes the draw system, Max does not. So what does Final Fantasy VIII have to do with bears? Not a whole lot, really. There are two real bearish characters in the game, and one of them looks like Robin Williams. Which is not a good thing. The other, Ward, is Max's secret dreamboat.

Bears In Games - Epic Final Fantasy Extravaganza Part 1

Johnny and guest host from gamesters.ca Max take a good, hard look at the first four Final Fantasies. Provided that you think Final Fantasy starts with Final Fantasy III.

Final Fantasy III starts us off with its slightly creepy child-warrior look, and confusingly androgynous protagonists. But all is not lost in this game: it does feature one of Final Fantasy's hottest bosses, the Djinn! So that's something right there.

Final Fantasy IV does have a chubby bear as a playable character, but it's Cid. And Cid in this game could, based on your viewpoint, either look like A: a potato, B: a biker bear, or C: a gollywog doll. He's got some freaky lips. Other than that, not a lot of bears, though it does have girls wearing inappropriate bikinis. And is Yang a bear? He ain't hairy, but he is burly.

Final Fantasy V is a critical darling but overlooked step in the series. It had a great implementation of the job system, but not much of a plot. The beauty is in the excellent combat. So what does it offer us as far as bears go? One of the protagonists is an older guy with a moustache, and he and the hero, Buttz, seem to be cruising their mysterious (or Mister-ious) pirate friend. They think he's hot.

Final Fantasy VI drastically changed the way that games dealt with cinemas, characterization, and presentation. Does that mean it has good characterization? No. It just has it, period. And this is a big step forward for the JRPG genre. So while some of the dialogue is clunky and terrible, there are definite emotional high points. Also, is Sabin a bear? Sure he is. Because they say so in the game.

Bears In Games - The Daily Lives Of Domestic Bears

Elite Bear Agents, Bears In Sims, and a slightly off topic look at Midnight Club: Los Angeles make up this week's too hot for TV episode of Bears In Games!

Elite Beat Agents is a bizarre music action game from INiS that just so happens to feature a lot of big guys, bears, and chubby guys. A spin off of the Japan-only Ouendan series, you tap along with the beat to progress the story. We take the time to look at four different bearish characters, and pause momentarily to see what secrets a young girl's dead father holds. Snotty Japanophiles will tell you that Elite Beat Agents has nothing on Ouendan, and that the music list sucks. Perhaps I have more tolerance for the sort of cheap licenses this game pulls, but it's not so bad. They generally go with the action on screen, and hey, it's got YMCA for the wet-suited bear Captain Brooke, David Bowie's Let's Dance, and Jamiroquai's Canned Heat! That's more songs that I like than the average Guitar Hero game. But I do have a terrible taste in music. I did miss out on some bears, though; the multiplayer features some exclusive story modes that I can't really show via emulation, and one of them has a very hot (for the creepy / funny super deformed art style, I mean) shirtless fat guy in a leather vest and hat. Hey! And did I mention big bear in wetsuit? I think I did. Moving on.

The Sims 3 was a big release this year, and it's better than it had any right to be. Honestly, it's just a polish of the Sims 2. But the Sims 2 needed a solid polishing, so hey! On the Bears In Games Facebook Page, I asked for anyone who wanted to be in an episode of Bears In Games for the Sims to sign up, and I actually got a few replies. So we've got Jack, a would-be writer and then sometimes paramedic / heartbreaker, Tom, the guy that pretty much everyone had a secret desire to kiss, Robbie, who watches a lot of television, and of course me, who in this case becomes a police officer and lounges around in underwear a lot. Oh, and has some anti-social habits.

Finally, I review Midnight Club: Los Angeles. This game sucked. Looks pretty in cut scenes. But the motion capture sucks, the characters are awful, awful people that you'd never want to have a conversation with, and the amount of T-Mobile product placement made this game virtually unplayable for me. Fools.

What's next on the Bears In Games plate? Well, I've recorded Final Fantasys III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, and XII and should be recording audio for that with Max from gamesters.ca this weekend! Get ready for a pileup of Final Fantasy fun. Given that I was stretching the capacity of Blogger's 100mb upload limit with this one, I may have to break the RSS feed version into two chunks. Because that's a lot of Final Fantasy. Also getting Robbie (from the Sims) over for the Bears In Games One Year Anniversary episode... the subject? It's a secret. A sexy secret.

If you want to see Bears In Games in better quality, you can always check out the Bears In Games youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/BearsInGames

Manhunter: New York Let's Play!

Yep, got a Let's Play of one of my favorite adventure games of all time: the bizarre, dark, horror-adventure game Manhunter: New York!

Bears In Games - Manly Sports And The Bears The Do Them

Firstly, Johnny checks out the Bears of Beijing 2008! Or should it be BEARjing? Huh? In this episode of BearsInGames, Johnny is inspired by the hot burliness of Olympic athletes Manolo Martinez and Matthias Steiner into renting and playing a few events in Sega's Olympic tie-in Beijing '08. Did it deserve the critical drubbing it received? Can you play as your favorite bearish men? In short, yes, it did, and no, you can't. All you need to see about this game is contained in the video. Plus: a bulge-tastic montage. Next up: Legends of Wrestlemania for the 360. Ah, wrestling. Johnny has already covered Capcom's fantastic take on the subject, so let's look at how the WWE has brought together some of the best wrestlers of all time into one game. With Bam Bam Bigelow, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Arn Anderson, King Kong Bundy, Andre the Giant, The Iron Shiek, Nikolai Volkoff, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're not wanting for hot burly bear wrestlers. Though hopefully you like them well-muscled; most are disturbingly shiny and on steroids. (I mean, more steroids then usual.) Also: Johnny Barnstorm and Wil "Dubs" take on men online in oddly polite encounters! Lastly, UFC Undisputed: is it a fighting game or hardcore bear porn? Seriously, Johnny can't tell. There are just some points during the training where... well... let's just say that it sure looks like the fighters are really, really good friends. And having sex. UFC tries hard to be awful; the soundtrack is about ten decibels louder than any other game out there, and there's about an hour of recorded dialogue of the guy who runs UFC ranting about how it's the ultimate match of the ultimate fighters and they're modern day gladiators, and... ugh. But the game itself? Damn good. Nice to watch. Though the fighters themselves are modeled sans crotches. Weird.

Jus' a Quick Plug Of My Let's Play!

Hey folks, I'm doing a Let's Play of Codename: Iceman on my koobert youtube user, so feel free to watch it of you are a fan of watching other people play through early 90s Sierra On-Line games.

If you aren't, well, that's understandable.

Bears In Games - Which WRPG Makes The Best Bear?

Unlike the set characters found in Japanese RPGs, western RPGs almost exclusively deal with created characters, with modifiable skill sets, gender, background, and most of all, looks. The downside is that this can lead to lifeless tabla rasas on which you are supposed to project yourself, egotist that you are. The upside? Big hot bears in RPGs! Who doesn't want that? So, firstly, we look at Bethesda's shake at the hugely popular Fallout franchise. How hot can a man wandering the nuclear wastes get? (If Mad Max's leather bound bears are any help, plenty hot.)Then we head over to the fantastic futurespace that is BioWare's Mass Effect, and finally check out the creepy troll-things that you can create with Bethesda's Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion!