Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bears In Games - The Gayest 16-Bit Games Of All Time (That Aren't Cho Aniki)

Just what is the gayest 16-bit game of all time? CHO ANIKI! But, that's a bit of a foregone conclusion. And at BearsInGames, we like betting on the underdogs. So we're counting down the top five gayest games during the wonderful era that brought us the Blast Processing of the Sega Genesis, the Mode 7 scaling and rotation of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, and the... Johnny Turboness... of the Turbografx-16! Watch in awe as we look at beefcake Boris Vallejo paintings, chubby bear giants in metal briefs, bear thugs with crotches the size of cantaloupes, rescuing Madonna during her Like a Virgin phase, the precursor to Soul Calibur, bad 90s press junket commercials with far too many crotch shots, secret passages into XXL London, the single gayest secret character of any game ever, and the best sprite-based animation you've ever seen! Plus even more Haggar!


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7 comments:

roto13 said...

That version of Cho Aniki you're mentioning is Cho Aniki Bakuretsu Ranto Hen for the SNES. The version on the Virtual Console is the original Cho Aniki. I downloaded it. I was kind of disappointed that it wasn't nearly as gay as its sequels. :P

Hah, you're a dwarf. :P Golden Axe really hasn't aged well. (Golden Axe III was released on the Sega channel in North America, but I don't think it ever got a proper retail release.)

Preeetty sure the big white dude isn't Adam's brother. :P (I don't really know where you would even get that idea, to be honest. xD) Any Guns N' Roses similarities are probably intentional. Japanese game developers have a really weird fascination with Guns N' Roses. You know, they actually didn't remove Ash entirely from the North American version of Streets of Rage 3. He's still in there and you can play as him with the help of a Game Genie.

Drew said...

Great job, but you left out one gay-appropriate note on the Saturday Night Slam Masters sequel: There's a character named Black Widow who initially seems like an exceptionally effeminate male wrestler. You find out eventually that Black Widow is actually female, hence the name, but the character provides some nice gender-bending nonetheless.

Bears in Games said...

I always thought Max was black, and Adamand Skate's brother. He's... sorta... I dunno? Dark? He's not the same skin tone as Axel or Blaze, anyhow. The genesis of this conception I believe dates back to me misreading EGM.

But, sadly, roto13 is correct. They're just... friends.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Drew, Capcom seems to have that be a recurring theme with their female or androgynous characters...

A. said...

Oh man, this is the greatest blog. Don't know if you've seen this yet, it's...interesting:

http://www.viddler.com/explore/Joystiq/videos/974/45.296

It looks like Cho Aniki met Katamari and I'm not even talking about gameplay.

Henry said...

how could you forget Altered Beast? power-ups that make you burlier!

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