Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bears In Games - Manly Sports And The Bears The Do Them
Firstly, Johnny checks out the Bears of Beijing 2008! Or should it be BEARjing? Huh? In this episode of BearsInGames, Johnny is inspired by the hot burliness of Olympic athletes Manolo Martinez and Matthias Steiner into renting and playing a few events in Sega's Olympic tie-in Beijing '08. Did it deserve the critical drubbing it received? Can you play as your favorite bearish men? In short, yes, it did, and no, you can't. All you need to see about this game is contained in the video. Plus: a bulge-tastic montage. Next up: Legends of Wrestlemania for the 360. Ah, wrestling. Johnny has already covered Capcom's fantastic take on the subject, so let's look at how the WWE has brought together some of the best wrestlers of all time into one game. With Bam Bam Bigelow, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Arn Anderson, King Kong Bundy, Andre the Giant, The Iron Shiek, Nikolai Volkoff, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're not wanting for hot burly bear wrestlers. Though hopefully you like them well-muscled; most are disturbingly shiny and on steroids. (I mean, more steroids then usual.) Also: Johnny Barnstorm and Wil "Dubs" take on men online in oddly polite encounters! Lastly, UFC Undisputed: is it a fighting game or hardcore bear porn? Seriously, Johnny can't tell. There are just some points during the training where... well... let's just say that it sure looks like the fighters are really, really good friends. And having sex. UFC tries hard to be awful; the soundtrack is about ten decibels louder than any other game out there, and there's about an hour of recorded dialogue of the guy who runs UFC ranting about how it's the ultimate match of the ultimate fighters and they're modern day gladiators, and... ugh. But the game itself? Damn good. Nice to watch. Though the fighters themselves are modeled sans crotches. Weird.