Bears In Games - Street Fighter Mantacular Part 1

Bears In Games is a year old! And we celebrate with the manliest game series of all time, Street Fighter! Join Johnny and guest-host Robbie as they plow through Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix, Street Fighter EX 3, and the Street Fighter II Anniversary Edition!

Super Street Fighter II HD Remix is the first subject of our analysis, and we pick apart its Udon take on the Street Fighter characters. It's a great looking game, though some background animation perhaps has a little bit too much GI Joe quality about it, however there's one part of the package that isn't quite up to par: and that's Zangief's package. Seriously, it looks like he got some kind of strange groin reduction for this HD version. Johnny is happy enough with his purchase of the game, simply because it's great to have a definitive version of the epic 2D fighter, but Robbie is glad that he didn't spend money on it. Ah well, there's no pleasing everyone.

Street Fighter EX3, however, is a real head-turner. What looks like digitized FMV turns out to be "computer graphics" of "models" based on the 2D Ryu and Ken fighting! Who knew! The photo-realism is blinding. BLINDING. Also great is the classic cast of characters, sure to please all Capcom die-hards: there is Sharon, Skullomania, and of course Doctrine Dark!

Then we head over the the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection, which enables you to see who would really win in a fight: Street Fighter II Zangief, or Street Fighter II Turbo Zangief! We've always wanted to know, now is our chance to check it out. Seriously, though, it's a great way to see how the character art and moves progressed over the years. Zangief went from a kind of deformed troll to the muscle stud that he is today during this time, so it's worth playing!

Bears In Games - Epic Final Fantasy Extravaganza Part 2

Johnny and Max now dive deep into Final Fantasy VII, with all its gay dates, bears, musclemen, and group assault. Also: Final Fantasy VIII, where magic meets Sweet Valley High. (Or is Sweet Valley High already magical?)

Final Fantasy VII. We all know it. Some of us love it. Some of us think that it's overrated and a step back for the series. But Max and Johnny are surprisingly agreeable on the subject, with both thinking that it is a great but flawed game, and one that pushed the JRPG genre as a whole in a new direction. But did you know about all the secret gayness in the game? Seriously. You can get molested by a group of big burly bodybuilders. There is much Cloud calling men Daddy. You can go on a date with the big bear Barret. Really, it is the most bear-filled of the Final Fantasy games, with two of the AVALANCHE team being big guys. Plus, to get on the date with Barret, you have to treat the women horribly, which is amusing in itself.

Then we move on to Final Fantasy VIII, and, thankfully, Johnny and Max have some spirited debate. Johnny likes the draw system, Max does not. So what does Final Fantasy VIII have to do with bears? Not a whole lot, really. There are two real bearish characters in the game, and one of them looks like Robin Williams. Which is not a good thing. The other, Ward, is Max's secret dreamboat.

Bears In Games - Epic Final Fantasy Extravaganza Part 1

Johnny and guest host from gamesters.ca Max take a good, hard look at the first four Final Fantasies. Provided that you think Final Fantasy starts with Final Fantasy III.

Final Fantasy III starts us off with its slightly creepy child-warrior look, and confusingly androgynous protagonists. But all is not lost in this game: it does feature one of Final Fantasy's hottest bosses, the Djinn! So that's something right there.

Final Fantasy IV does have a chubby bear as a playable character, but it's Cid. And Cid in this game could, based on your viewpoint, either look like A: a potato, B: a biker bear, or C: a gollywog doll. He's got some freaky lips. Other than that, not a lot of bears, though it does have girls wearing inappropriate bikinis. And is Yang a bear? He ain't hairy, but he is burly.

Final Fantasy V is a critical darling but overlooked step in the series. It had a great implementation of the job system, but not much of a plot. The beauty is in the excellent combat. So what does it offer us as far as bears go? One of the protagonists is an older guy with a moustache, and he and the hero, Buttz, seem to be cruising their mysterious (or Mister-ious) pirate friend. They think he's hot.

Final Fantasy VI drastically changed the way that games dealt with cinemas, characterization, and presentation. Does that mean it has good characterization? No. It just has it, period. And this is a big step forward for the JRPG genre. So while some of the dialogue is clunky and terrible, there are definite emotional high points. Also, is Sabin a bear? Sure he is. Because they say so in the game.

Bears In Games - Musclebear Smorgasbord Extraordinaire

Johnny takes a quick look at games that feature men of the muscular persuasion; first there's Pit-Fighter, Atari's arcade classic from 1990 which used the then-impressive digitized graphics of musclebears, beefcake models, biker bears, and men in tight gear aplenty in a bare-chested brawling. Could anything be more heterosexual? Then we move to Altered Beast, the Genesis launch title that devotes itself to getting your big muscleman as pumped as possible before donning his were-whatever fursuit. Then Johnny takes on reviewing a hard to find Japanese PC release, Ie, Tatemasu! by Underground Campaign. As you can tell from the screenshots, this is unlike anything he's looked at before: it's a hardcore construction simulator. Keeping in mind load bearing pillars, wood density, and Tokyo Building Code, you must create a house within a strict time limit, while maintaining very, very, very close relations to your coworkers. Very close. Things get sticky, and you're up against a wall against the mounting pressure of time limits and budget overflows, but still worth playing. Repeatedly. 30 seconds to five minutes at a time. To wrap it all up, there's Punch Out!!, a game Johnny's so incredibly bad at that words fail to describe it. Oh, yes, there's also big bears, musclemen, and a possible appearance of the hanky code on Bear Hugger.

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Bears In Games Episode 4 - Fable II

Yes, even in the mystical land of Albion, gays can get gay married. And, as Johnny finds out after some loutish behavior, gay divorced. While the menfolk populating the land might not be very attractive, that doesn't mean that you can't have some passive-aggressive relationships with them. Watch as Johnny shows you just how awkward virtual relationships can get, gaining through pie eating, and the most disappointing love scenes since Mass Effect. No, not even side boob in this one.

Bears In Games Episode 3 - Soul Calibur IV

Just how bearish can a 3D fighting game get? This week in Bears in Games, Johnny takes a look at the custom characters you can whip up in this pretty awesome fighting game. Pro tip: use female character fighting styles to give your bears a slightly creepy seductive edge. Also, some ruminating on Rock, and teaching an XBox Live jerk a lesson.